We are chosen. For what? Depends on who we are. Growing up, I knew from a young age that I would dedicate my life to serving the Lord. But how could I? How could I after having gone through (and continuing to go through) so much brokenness, confusion, and tears?

One of my first hard hits came when I was 8 years old. I remember my parents having me sit down (and one probably had my 2 year old sister Micaela on one knee), and telling me that they were going to divorce. Why? The tears and many other emotions came. Sometimes I would cry and even scream out questions to God (in my pillow) in my room. WHY?! I felt like a burden had been set on my shoulders.

Yet I must have known, even in that time and all the difficult ones to come, that God was with me. Because, at the age of 12, I wrote a paper about myself at school (I’ve referenced this specific piece several times) which were dreams that have now come true in my life! He chose me; God knew as I was growing in my mother’s womb that I would become a light both here and to the nations of His great love and mercy and grace, even despite the hardships, pain, distractions, discouragement, and obstacles. He chose me; melancholy, over-analytical, super-sensitive, impatient, nosy, talks-too-much, doesn’t-have-it-all-figured-out me.

Just last night I watched the movie “One Night with the King,” the portrayal of the story of Esther, a Jew who God was able to use to save herself and her people. She was chosen to be queen. She was a testament of the faithfulness and mercy of the God she (we) served! But (as we so oftentimes are tempted to) she could have said “No” and this would not have even allowed God the chance to work out His miraculous will in that situation. Her time came; she was given a choice (as we are given as well, choices to make every day). Her uncle Mordecai told her that she must go in to the king in order for there to be any hope of deliverance for the Jews; the law, though, was that any who went in to the king without being summoned would be put to death. Her uncle said, “…Who knows whether you have not come to kingdom for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14). Is today your time?

I woke up this morning and saw a quote that says:

“God only puts us through as much as we can handle,
So the people who struggle the most,
Have been chosen by God to be the strongest ones.”

This really made me realize that God works out his will in my life, through every single situation, as long as I allow Him to. I have questioned who I am; I have wished I were not as emotional, that I could be more carefree, that I just wouldn’t CARE so much about others; I have cried and cried; but I always come back to the conclusion that God has chosen ME to be a missionary, to love others through the love I have experienced from Him, because I am just the person with the desire and purpose for such a life. For such a time as this.

John 15:16 says,

“You did not choose Me, but I chose you, and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, He may give it to you.”

Today I ask God for more of His Spirit in our lives, that we may know Him more and have the fruits of the Spirit to show the world. May we always remember that He first has chosen us; because He loved us first, we can now love others (1 John 4:19).

Through our struggles, we really do become stronger. My love for God, my family, friends, and the people of those in Latin America I long to share the Gospel with, this has all become so much more real in the last couple years as I’ve faced trials and painful losses. His grace truly is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9). We have to keep seeking Him and reminding ourselves of the promises He has given us; we have to hold fast to hope. Because of all I have faced, I see others in a different light. I can relate to others who are NOW facing what I’ve already faced; my heart can feel their own brokenness, confusion, and reason for tears. Romans 5:3-5 says that we “rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Even tonight I find myself a bit discouraged and impatient for all that is to come, yet I am going to choose (even if sometimes accompanied by tears) Christ and His way. I do have hope; my identity is in Him and He has blessed me beyond measure; I am thankful for all that I have, for all that I am. I am chosen, and no matter what, I wouldn’t have it any other way!