Today I thought of something that I cannot keep to myself anymore. Sadly, many times I have been made to feel not NORMAL, even from other Christians. I hope you can be encouraged, and perhaps even enlightened, by what I am about to share though. This is a topic that isn’t spoken of enough (in a positive light anyway) among those of us who struggle most; we need to get REAL with each other and express this to those around us, especially youth/young people. God has an amazing plan for each of us, his beloved children, and it is my hope and prayer that many more will begin to truly seek His face and follow Him.
When I was a teenager, I read the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” (by Joshua Harris; and yes, I actually liked it/agreed with it then!) and at the age of 16 I wanted to wait till marriage to even KISS a guy! Well, I must admit that this goal was never reached, although I did wait till 18 for this. But I don’t really want to talk about all of that right now. Mainly, I want to say that I am 28 years old and a virgin. The older I get, the more surprised people are to hear that there ARE people out there who believe in WAITING till marriage for this. The problem nowadays is that the focus is always on what we canNOT do, or how much we can do and still be okay, or the seeming impossibility of fighting against/resisting the raging hormones that are surging through young people. I wish I could come at this from the perspective of a guy, but sorry, I am not a male. ha! I can tell you that since the age of 4 (I think) I have always liked boys, have been considered “boy crazy” many times in my life, used to be EXTREMELY bashful in regards to attention from boys (mainly in my preteen/teen years), and have had quite a NORMAL interest/attraction to guys.
People have asked me how I wait. How a “beautiful, young woman” like me has not allowed the urges of the flesh to reach this point of giving in to something I have had to wait so long for. I would love to discuss this further, and share more of my story, with anyone interested to know more, but right now I am going to share the verse that hit me this morning. Psalm 63:1 says,
“O God, You are my God, earnestly I seek You; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.”
WOW. And in what I am about to express, don’t think I am saying that those who have had sex, within or outside of marriage, cannot experience this same hunger for the Lord. But what this verse spoke to me today is maybe my answer to myself and others as to WHY it is easy (easier anyway) for me to wait for that day, when I make vows and commit to my husband, to share this gift with him, and only him. Even in my own struggles, I have always chosen God first and have always desired to please Him and obey Him/do His will first. Matthew 6:33 says,
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
I feel that in constantly choosing to seek Him and desire Him more, it causes the other desires to shrink. Kind of like how John 3:30 says,
“He must become greater; I must become less.”
We must become less!! But our focus should be on wanting MORE of Jesus!! Focus on Him and what He is leading you to do in other areas of your life, while you are waiting for your future spouse. Or maybe you are dating and need to allow the Lord to strengthen you in this area of your relationship.
Temptation and our human desires are such strong forces in our lives, but even more so if we ALLOW them to be, or if we put ourselves in situations that make it easier to stumble, or if we don’t heed the conviction/voice of the Lord and his Holy Spirit. How often do we make excuses in our lives? Especially in regards to our faith and our relationship with Jesus? I believe we all have specific areas of weakness/struggle and we need to ask the Lord to reveal this to us so that we can be overcomers! And sometimes we need to be vulnerable and ask other friends/family to help hold us accountable as well!
So, from the above verse, I will say that I think it has been easier for me to wait because I haven’t allowed this to BECOME an issue for me. Too often, all we hear is that we need to wait to have SEX until we are married, or we hear the question, “How much CAN I DO and still be considered a ‘virgin’?” or “What can I do and still be okay?” Obviously, the less we learn, the less we know. But also, the less we do, the less we will want to do! I am not going to be the one to say we all have to abstain from ALL forms of physical contact, such as holding hands, cuddling, and kissing. But I AM going to ENCOURAGE you to ask yourself if you are strong enough to resist tempation in this area? Don’t set yourself up to fall! 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 says,
“It is God’s will that you should be SANCTIFIED: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him…
For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.”
This passage gets me every time! God has such a beautiful blessing for each of us. It is when we start to try to control our own lives and move outside of his covering, that we are hurt and the joy/peace/blessings of God begin to be stolen away by the enemy! We have to begin to fight for what’s right, for living under the amazing riches that God provides when we truly seek His face and heed his voice. We need to walk in the Spirit so that the desires of our flesh will be less! Galatians 5:16-25 is a perfect passage in regards to this! Look it up! Just today I saw a great quote which says,
“Don’t go outside of obeying God to get something because you will have to stay outside of God to keep it.”
And of course, there are exceptions to this because God is a God who loves unconditionally, forgives and redeems!! but who doesn’t want to receive from the abundant riches He has for us! We have to always remember the words of John 10:10,
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I (Jesus!) have come that they may have life, and have it to the full!”
If we are staying in the Word, spending time in prayer, and sharing life with other believers, God will continue to speak to us and direct us as to what is right or wrong.
Now, I will admit, that I HAVE struggled a lot and have failed a lot. I have kissed/made out with too many people and spent time with/on people that weren’t good for me. But in regards to waiting, God has truly helped me; guarded my heart, mind, and body; and continues to remind me how worth it the wait is! And that I am VALUABLE; CHERISHED; BEAUTIFUL; WORTHY of being pursued by a godly man; and so much more! When we focus on Jesus and our hunger/desire for Him grows…when we CHOOSE to DELIGHT in Him (Psalm 37:4)…He will one day surprise us! Wait for that surprise and stop allowing people to keep chipping away at your heart. Jesus loves you, wants to heal your brokenness, and prepare you for what He has in store. Say YES to Him today!
And I also want to say that I understand what it is like to have come from a home broken apart by divorce. This in and of itself has a HUGE effect on children. We as children from such situations CAN overcome these curses, be healed and we can one day choose well so that our family may be different. But just understand that we don’t have to give up or be just like our parents, or just like everyone else, but that God provides and IS all we need in order to receive the blessings He has in store for us! God is a REDEEMING God and his love covers ALL SIN!
2 Corinthians 10:4-5
“The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. WE demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
“Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me.”
“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.”
“When I said, ‘My foot is slipping,’ your love, O Lord, supported me.”
“Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.”
“Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.”
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”