My last few newsletters have been about how amazing it has been to live in Ecuador and about how much I love it here but as I am almost through my fourth month living here it is no longer a dream come true but a reality. I do love living here but now it is becoming a way of life rather than this intense adventure. Each day as I head off to school I put my heart on the line and to tell you the truth, that isn’t the easiest thing to do. I find myself warn out and broken down a lot as the reality of the brokenness of the children in my classroom sets in. Nobody said it would be easy and lately it has been the farthest thing from easy.
Recently I had a parent teacher conference where I had to rely on the Holy Spirit to give me words to say because the parents where arguing over their divorce and how they should handle their kids. Another instance I had to practically carry a child to afternoon dismissal because he was crying hysterically and acting like an infant. Last week, time after time, my students came to me telling me their classmate said a bad word. I am turning twenty-three in less than a month but I feel like the Lord is growing me up fast. The list of things I am learning to handle goes on and on but the fact that God is constant in all is the most reliable thing that I put my trust in.
I often walk away from school more emotionally warn out than physically. I hear the stories of my children, I watch them cry, I watch them grow, I watch them struggle, and I watch their little hearts have to make choices between what is right and what is wrong. Who am I that God chose me for such a big job? I often wonder why me. I feel like some days I fail my children, that I am so caught up in all the questions at once that I lose my patients and the love of Christ loses it shine. But as I hear my child whose parents are going through a divorce take his concerns to the Lord in prayer… I know without a doubt that I am right where the Lord wants me. Yes it is hard, yes it hurts a lot, yes I get homesick from time to time but God chose me. Why me? I may never know but he chose me and for that reason I ask Him consistently to fill me more and more with His love.